Recently in general Category

this week is hell

but at least i can still find the time to be a sarcastic
bastard

to someone who pushes my buttons

take for instance this page on the globe's
new amateur photography blog

guess which one i am

i'm in one of the pictures from the pmc
but someone's hand is in front of my face

since the ride i've fallen behind on eating sleeping and work

all of which go badly

you'd think i'd have learned better
by now
than to pour my heart and soul into something which behaves capriciously
and acts as if it hates me
even though i know deep down it actually lacks feelings

but no

it's never too late to start though

it's one thing to put insane hours in at work
still another to let that insanity claim the rest of your life too

guilty of both

the bags under my eyes
and the wretched performance at soccer
[sorry suz]
attest

but i did see a brilliant soccer match this week

and i did get some stuff to work

and the rest of the month portends just the kind of adventure i crave

so maybe i'd better cut myself off at work

and work on rediscovering all the things i used to like to do with my free time

i love and hate that
the possibilities ahead are wondrous even if the ones already wasted depress

on the bright side
my hair is bright fucking orange for another three days

do i really
still have the right
to complain

about putting my personal life
in stasis
to try and coax life into
some misbegotten creation
that consumes my
time
sweat
and blood

when i do it voluntarily

over and over again

not really

but i'll do it anyway

i'd like to think that someday
i'll have a life that causes me to reprioritize
and certainly there are plenty of friday nights where i have

they just seem so few
and so far between
and so long ago

so fucking tired

i didn't work that much this weekend
billed a total of nine hours over two days
but it was enough that i didn't really feel like
i slacked off enough
and at the same time don't feel like i got anything
done

of course part of that is a function of stuff not working
or in this case not working well enough
not knowing what's wrong exactly
or having the ability to fix it
eats at you

so even when you leave work
because you don't know what to do
you spend the rest of the time trying to figure it out anyway
not actively mind you
but it's in the back of your mind

so monday brings more work
more banging my head against the wall

but at least i'm not rested for it

i'm an idiot

wasting time
putting off thinking about work
while waiting for the fedex
[or is it ups this morning]
guy to arrive

enjoy the twisted 'reasoning'
the fine citizens of sudbury
employ in opposing a new bicycle trail
here's a hint
jackasses
your property values will go down anyway
because nobody will be able to afford to commute from
friggin' sudbury

as i'm sure a lot of baseball fans are claiming these days
i've expected good things from the tampa bay devil rays
for a couple years now
they've always played the sox tough
and moreover tended to be a fun team to watch
at least when they weren't pitching
that said
while the cowbells do amplify the noise from a crowd that is still
paltry
they are just a little bit bush-league

watched the revs-galaxy game late last night
as the fireworks of a dozen towns rumbled in the dark
say what you will about him
but david beckham is really a joy to watch
countless perfectly placed
ideally weighted balls
thrown into dangerous places
directly onto the head of a player
who has no idea what to do with it
okay maybe that's harsh
it just seemed that way last night
or maybe it was because the revs had the dangerous players marked
the difference last night was that when nyassi or castro crossed the ball
la's defenders were caught flat-footed
it's got to eat at becks a little to see that there are plenty of
quality sides in the league
he's just not on one of them

my old car ate a small animal when i started him up yesterday
the animal seems to have destroyed the alternator belt
as a final act of protest
conveniently
i had a potential buyer coming to look at him tomorrow

been a while since i wrote anything

a lot of things that were going well last week
aren't going so well now

some stuff that seemed promising seems not
to have panned out

and i've got probably another week or more of
long days and weekends in the lab
still trying to make the best of what is at the core
a dumb idea

oh well
i suppose one can look at all of it
and call it some sort of progress

happened upon an amusing little exercise today
make a list of your favorite albums from each year you were alive

here goes
1976 meh
1977 kraftwerk - trans europe express
1978 genesis - and then there were three
1979 pink floyd - the wall
1980 joy division - closer
1981 depeche mode - speak and spell
1982 the cure - pornography
1983 genesis - genesis
1984 duran duran - rio
1985 depeche mode - some great reward
1986 depeche mode - black celebration
1987 r.e.m. - document
1988 depeche mode - music for the masses
1989 the cure - disintegration
1990 sonic youth - goo
1991 depeche mode - violator
1992 orbital - orbital 2
1993 toad the wet sprocket - fear
1994 toad the wet sprocket - dulcinea
1995 bjork - post
1996 underworld - second toughest in the infants
1997 the prodigy - the fat of the land
1998 massive attack - mezzanine
1999 underworld - beaucoup fish
2000 radiohead - kid a
2001 royksopp - melody a.m.
2002 underworld - a hundred days off
2003 kraftwerk - tour de france ep
2004 efterklang - tripper
2005 depeche mode - playing the angel
2006 the knife - silent shout
2007 nine inch nails - year zero
2008 portishead - third

though i have quite enjoyed the series thus far
the title
when we left earth
sure sounds like something that used to happen
not something that still goes on
not something that's still important to us as a nation

sure it's a historical documentary
stuff that is in fact in the past
but what worries me is that in glorifying
our old successes
similar to the glut of world war ii documentaries
[even if it truly is impossible to overstate their greatness]
we pay short shrift to what is happening now

it's great to watch 'band of brothers' reruns
because what's happening now features plenty of the same noble effort
toward a futile cause

and it's great to watch this show or 'from the earth to the moon'
because our efforts now are workaday
of importance that is impossible to communicate now
because it's research
you inherently don't know what it's going to be
that's the point

what's the more galling about it though
is that we can be doing more
and nothing pisses off an engineer more than to have
the ability to do something
to make something happen
and be denied the opportunity

i mean
and i've written about this before
does anyone really think that if we stood up and said
let's friggin' go to mars
we wouldn't be there within ten years
the idea of us spending a trillion dollars to make basically
everyone unhappy in iraq, here, and in the rest of the world
when we could make human civilization proud again
is just plain sad

and i know that senator obama is unlikely to be a friend to the space program
but i once had a certainty that humans would walk on mars in my lifetime
and as i get older
that certainty fades

interestingly
i ran a 5k this morning
and apparently michael collins
the apollo 11 astronaut was also running
i think he probably beat me

but i won't read too much into that

bless his crazy little gnome heart
rep. dennis kucinich called to impeach bush yesterday

kirk cameron and his repressed friend
[no i don't mean boner]
love bananas

mayor menino was hit by a car while riding his bike
yet was totally unfazed by it
not sure i'd be so calm
myself

really
i think you should
check this out

kicked booty on the harpoon five-miler yesterday even
recovering from a cold
or allergies or something
lovely morning to sit outside and drink
lots of beer afterwards

spent the rest of the day eating

friday night was entertaining
i own a grill now
purchased in preparation to tailgate at gillette
of course we pulled in five minutes before kickoff
and i did not get to cook anything
but i will be better prepared for the next
world's smallest tailgate [tm]
great first half from the revs
second half was frightful
brazil was a huge disappointment
their fans
while boisterous
seemed as attentive than the worst pink-clad
bleacher citizens at fenway
and the team's play
while very occasionally transcendent
was disjointed and uninspired
i think the revs could have taken 'em
[in the first half at least] [maybe] [okay maybe not]

work is complicated these days
i'm juggling four projects
yet what i lose sleep over is
wholly non-technical

it's so wonderful to play full-field soccer again
not that indoor isn't great in its way
particularly when you play without boards
but the real thing is so much better
i didn't even play in my wing-back happy place
yet still had a good game

slept on the couch last night
it's too goddamned hot

after all this time
i've been doing it wrong
what i really needed was for
my car
to be social for me

i got my new smart this week
and he has done nothing but make friends
wherever we go
be it a thumbs up or
a rolled-down window conversation
at a red light
or a lengthy walkaround and q & a
in the parking lot

today i had a guy trying out the drivers' seat
in the stop & shop parking lot
having stopped and blinky parked his jeep in the aisle
his wife came out and said
'oh no he finally found one'

in a practical sense too
he's a fun car to hang around with
once you get used to driving
almost like a standard
[not that i know how to do that]
you can merge onto route 9
lickety split
he turns almost as if pivoting in place
can fit a ton of stuff
and has plenty of room for me
and a nice loud stereo

now i'm looking for an excuse for a road trip

and to find an old friend a good new home