i feel like the kid in the beginning of the twisted sister video. his dad gets in his face and yells, 'what do you wanna do with your life???' except i don't have the ability to turn into dee snider and yell 'i wanna rock!'.
whoa. i hope for the sake of both of you that that made no sense. if it did, well, um, sorry.
yeah, so, now that i decided to put my money where my mouth is, and seriously look for a new job again, it's kinda occurred to me that i'm not entirely sure what i want to do. assuming that jobs are available that i'm qualified for, i'm not sure what i'm interested in at this point. i'm fairly certain that i'm not really hep on trading places with the fuckheads on the other end of my phone now, even though i'd probably miss playing with pro/e if i ever left it behind. i'm also not sure i want to go work for a giant defense contractor, either, even though that, too, has aspects that appeal to me. i'd probably like to go work for nasa, even though their job descriptions are impenetrable, and of course, the underlying theme of my underqualification remains. 'course, i'd applied to several jobs in cupertino a month ago, and they've yet to be filled, with me or someone else. that would probably be the best-case scenario. or there's a nice qa job with maxis, too (what do you mean, i'm addicted to simcity?). which brings to mind another question. do i want to stay here? yes and no. obviously, it's a nice place to live, and there's many good times to be had with good friends, but i am not yet interested in setting down roots. and who's to say i need to stay in engineering. hell, i fear that my degree, if it were a container of milk, is one you'd push to the side while searching for a fresher one. not expired yet, but not something you're going to take to the fridge, either. at least my shitty gpa faded away with it. so maybe i should go back to school, and into debt (same thing). i sort of think i'd make a good architect, and not just because i'm weird enough to have fit in at the greene building back at the 'tute. maybe i should try that. see what i mean? i'm such a fucking dilettant in my spare time, now that i get the chance to make my vocation more closely match my avocation, i can't figure a damn thing out. really, this is something that ought to be well-thought out, but given my frantic, long, and fruitless days at work, the likelihood of being laid off anyway, and the company's overall death spiral, there is some more urgency to it. so be it. i ain't worried about it or anything, but at the same time, i kinda feel like it's time to try doing something different. thing is, i don't know how different...
or maybe i should just say 'fuck it' and buy an expensive car, and get my midlife crisis on earlier.
making no sense whatsoever, am i? i'll shut up and go to bed right now.