hurting the ones you love

i have what can best be described as a complicated relationship with
inanimate objects

an irrational sentimental streak has long been
at odds with a sometimes insatiable technolust
and an expectation for my shit to keep up with my deadly combination of
carelessness and demanding lifestyle

i had a pile of old macs just because i hated the idea of throwing away useful things
even if they weren't the least bit useful to me

i still adore my old titanium powerbook
which never let me down
but i wanted its replacement
which did

i think it perfectly reasonable to set the timer on my slr
and toss it in a snowdrift
or to ask my car to ford a stream
or drive back from alabama with hardly any brakes

yet i cried real tears when i had to part ways with my van

harder lessons in life have put some of this in perspective over the years
moving enforced a culling of the precious junk
a busy schedule meant less time to spend making sure smiling yellow people were
well cared for

and through all of that there emerge only a few mechanical
parts of your life
that truly stand out

so even in his old age as i
think back on all the stuff we've been through
and shop for his replacement
while realizing how little i've done for him

i still thank my car for everything he's done for me

and know that this is just the way we are